Helpful Advice (That is Not Always Helpful)

“Can I offer just one bit of advice? Actually no, I won’t. I hate getting advice, especially unsolicited advice. They have a way of making one feel inadequate. And the advice is usually lousy.” (Harriet, Lessons in Chemistry, 147).

1. The feeling will pass.

So, too, will the dinner I just ate too much of, most likely onto my thighs, and that does not make me feel so good. Alluding to future-me, not present-me - if the feeling is not passing right now - I would rather not hear it.

2. It will always seem difficult until it’s done.

Please, do not underestimate or belittle the problems I face. I appreciate you may not be experiencing the same (but I am afraid I will never be done with my eating disorder).

3. Keep going, recovery is worth it!

Coming from someone sipping their carefree cappuccino and impulse buying a Ploughman’s sandwich. Whilst I am here, watching, willing myself to believe I am beautiful regardless of whether I do the same or not. But please, do go on, tease me with how good recovery is.

4. You know what’s worse than eating a cheeseburger - living with an eating disorder.

Actually, I beg to differ. The worry I feel about increasing my chances of cellulite - the panic! - is worse. Thanks for your insight, but no thanks. I will take one side salad, please.

5. Don’t overthink it.

Ha, ha, haha, good one!

6. Just don’t listen to it.

Another cracker - had not thought of trying that!

7. No matter what… you still need to eat today.

Or…

8. You look well.

Implying in a roundabout way I look ‘fuller’ than before, no longer unwell. If this is meant to be a positive comment, I do not take it as one.

9. Live a little!

The worst. Believe me if I could, I would; I am trying; I am sad I cannot get there quick enough.

10. I know it feels like this right now but hold on, it will get better.

Right now, all I see is my worst case scenarios coming true; the change I feel in my body could be here to stay, a permanent fixture of recovery. I could trick myself into a false sense of pretence and promise to make myself small again - but I refuse to do that again.

11. It is what it is.

You are not hearing me! How can this make me feel better when right now I am living in a body that does not feel right to me? I do not want to accept it; I am struggling to see how I can be attractive for it; there is nothing anyone can say (because what will become of me then?).

12. If taking a break from exercise and eating ‘healthy’ scares you, it might be exactly what you need.

Thanks for stating the obvious. Although better than being told that an injury would probably be good for me… It is called being scared for a reason.

13. Just eat more and move less.

And then hide myself from everyone and everything as I feel too ashamed and self-conscious to show up as I imagine I will look then. Good plan!

14. Hard work pays off.

Define hard work, and is there a time frame on this? I am already … days in - not that I am counting or anything - should I start taking notes?

15. Don’t be afraid of what other people say about you.

When your identity and self-worth is bound up with how you perceive people see you - not that easy!

16. Anyone who’s successful knows…

Ah, so that is why I missed the boat on this one.

17. It was luck, right place, right time!

Well that is great news for the rest of us.

18. I always knew it would work out.

So did I, or so I thought, I think, still (and look where that has got me).

19. Have you tried using influencers, are you on TikTok, do you do markets?

Sure. let me add it to my one-woman-band list of what I am not doing enough of - or well enough, clearly.

20. First businesses always tend to fail!

Well that is the reassuring encouragement I needed, shall I give up now or?

21. Trust your gut.

When I saw NB I saw my whole life - I knew this is what I was supposed to do. Now, nine years later, I am not so sure (because why is it taking so long?).